Bible Pointers on Marriage
A nine-lesson guide for The Well Shrewsbury
All scripture quotations are from the New King James Version (NKJV) unless otherwise indicated.
Please begin by answering this question honestly in your own words.
Think about a time you waited for something important that was genuinely out of your control. What was that like? What made the waiting hard, and what — if anything — made it bearable?
Psalm 34:10
"The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."
The lions — the ones who hunt for themselves — go hungry. Those who seek the Lord lack nothing good. Read that contrast slowly before moving on.
The central idea of this lesson
Waiting for God's timing in marriage is not passive resignation. It is the active pursuit of God Himself. If a spouse is a good thing — and Scripture says it is — then those who seek God are guaranteed not to miss it. The waiting is not empty; it is preparation.
The source material for this lesson centres on the experience of Andrew Wommack, who made a deliberate commitment as a young man not to go about finding a spouse the way the world does. He did not know what God's alternative looked like. So he prayed and began to search Scripture. He found two passages that he held together and built his approach on.
The first was Proverbs 18:22:
Proverbs 18:22
"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord."
A wife is a good thing. That is the Scripture's declaration. Then he turned to Psalm 34:10:
Psalm 34:10
"The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."
He put the two together and drew a simple but life-changing conclusion: a wife is a good thing; those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing; therefore, if a wife is part of God's plan for me, and I am genuinely seeking God, I will not miss her. He said to God: I am not going to seek a wife. I am going to seek You. And if a wife is a good thing for me, You are obligated to bring a good thing to me. Show it to me, and I will accept it.
Note
This lesson is addressed primarily to those who are single and considering marriage. But those who are already married — perhaps having come together without this understanding — will also find it useful. Wommack himself acknowledged this. If your marriage began through the world's system rather than through seeking God, that does not condemn you or disqualify you from having a strong marriage now. What matters is what you build from here. The principles in this lesson are about orientation toward God — which applies to every season, regardless of marital status.
Wommack described the typical way a man and woman come together as movement on a horizontal plane: they find each other first, then after they are together they begin to ask God into the relationship. The problem with that approach is that you might come together with the wrong person, and the relationship is built on a foundation that was never God-centred to begin with.
God's design works differently. Picture a triangle with God at the top and the man and woman at the two lower corners. As each person independently pursues God — moving toward the top of the triangle — the two of them are naturally drawn closer to each other. When they are close enough to the centre of God's will, their paths converge. They do not find each other by shopping around. They find each other because they were both going the same direction.
This is why the quality of your relationship with God is the most important factor in your preparation for marriage. A person who is genuinely seeking God, growing in character and deepening in their walk with Christ is simultaneously becoming the kind of person who can sustain a covenant marriage — and is positioning themselves to find someone in the same posture.
Matthew 6:33
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."
The principle Jesus established in Matthew 6:33 — seek first the kingdom, and the other things follow — applies directly here. A spouse is one of the things that is "added." You do not seek a spouse first and then try to bring God in. You seek God first and trust that what you need will be provided by the one who owns everything.
Going Deeper
First Corinthians 7:27 states: "Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife." This appears to contradict the whole idea of looking for a spouse. But Paul is not forbidding marriage; he is addressing the anxiety that drives people to seek a spouse in a frantic or self-centred way. The principle is consistent with Psalm 34:10: the one who is genuinely at rest in God, not driven by anxiety or social pressure, is in the best position to receive what God provides. The seeking that Scripture discourages is the restless, self-directed seeking. The seeking it encourages is seeking God Himself — and trusting Him to add what is needed.
The season of waiting is not a pause before real life begins. It is the season in which the person you will be when you marry is being formed. The character qualities that make a strong marriage possible — patience, self-giving love, the capacity to forgive, the ability to serve without resentment, groundedness in God as your primary source — are all developed through the ordinary disciplines of the Christian life: prayer, Scripture, community and service.
The source material for this lesson describes how Wommack and his wife Jamie came together — not through dating, but through a growing spiritual unity in a prayer community. They were in fellowship together for years. Others around them noticed a quality of oneness between them before either of them had named what was happening. The spiritual reality preceded the formal recognition. This is the picture of what it means to approach marriage through God rather than through the world's system.
Caution
Two errors appear frequently in this area. The first is confusing the world's pressure to date with God's leading. There is enormous social pressure — from parents, peers and culture — that treats singleness beyond a certain age as a problem to be solved urgently. That pressure is not from God. It produces hurried decisions and emotionally entangled relationships that could have been avoided. The second error is using the principle of "seeking God rather than a spouse" as a justification for complete passivity or social isolation. God does not generally bring a spouse to your door without any engagement with the world around you. The principle is about the orientation of your heart, not about avoiding community or relationships. It means that when you engage with people, your first question is not "could this be the one?" but "how do I serve and honour God in this relationship?"
Practical Tip
If you are single and carrying anxiety about marriage, try this exercise this week. Write down Proverbs 18:22 and Psalm 34:10 on a piece of paper. Hold them together and ask God honestly: do I believe that seeking You is sufficient? Is there an area of anxiety or self-directed effort around this that I need to bring to You? Then write down one specific way you will invest in your relationship with God this week rather than in trying to engineer a relationship with a potential spouse. The person who is fully alive in God and growing in godly character is the most prepared person for marriage — and the most attractive to someone who is seeking the same.
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| Question | My Answer | Group Discussion Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Read Proverbs 18:22 and Psalm 34:10 together. The lesson holds these two scriptures side by side to draw a conclusion about seeking a spouse. In your own words, what is that conclusion, and do you find it convincing? | ||
| Read Matthew 6:33. The principle is: seek the kingdom first and other things are added. How does applying that principle to the question of marriage change the way you think about your singleness or your preparation for marriage? | ||
| The triangle principle says that as a man and woman each independently pursue God, they naturally draw closer to each other. What does genuinely pursuing God look like in practice for you right now — not in theory but in your actual weekly life? | ||
| The Caution box identifies two errors: reacting to social pressure to date urgently, and using "seeking God" as an excuse for complete passivity. Which of these two is more of a temptation for you, and why? | ||
| The lesson describes the waiting season as the time in which the person you will be when you marry is being formed. What character quality do you think you most need to develop in this season, and what is one specific way you could begin doing that? |
Open questions for any level of experience. No right or wrong answers.
The principle of this lesson is one of orientation: where is your primary energy and attention directed? These applications address that question in three specific ways.
| Context | How I Apply This |
|---|---|
| In your relationship with God | The single most important preparation for marriage — whether it is in your near future or not — is the depth and quality of your walk with God right now. This week, honestly assess that: how much time do you give God compared to how much time you spend thinking about or pursuing a relationship? What would it look like to make seeking God your primary investment this week? The triangle works: as you get closer to God, you naturally draw closer to the right person. |
| In how you handle pressure | Social pressure around singleness is real and can be relentless. The next time someone implies you should be more urgently seeking a partner, you do not need to defend your position — but it is worth knowing what you actually believe. Write down Psalm 34:10 and Matthew 6:33 somewhere you will see them regularly. These are not platitudes; they are a specific biblical framework for how God provides good things. Return to them when the pressure rises. |
| In how you invest your singleness | First Corinthians 7 describes singleness as a season of undivided devotion to God — not as a lesser state but as a different kind of freedom. This week, identify one area of your life where your singleness gives you a freedom or capacity that marriage would change. How are you investing that capacity for God's purposes right now? What would using it more deliberately look like? |
Tap each card to reveal the answer.
What does Proverbs 18:22 say about finding a wife?
Proverbs 18:22
"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord."
Proverbs 18:22. A wife is a good thing. Combined with Psalm 34:10, this becomes the biblical basis for trusting God to provide rather than self-directing the search.
What does Psalm 34:10 promise to those who seek the Lord?
Psalm 34:10
"Those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."
Psalm 34:10. Those who hunt for themselves go hungry. Those who seek God lack nothing good — including a spouse, if that is part of God's plan for them.
What is the triangle principle?
God at the top; man and woman at the two lower corners. As each independently pursues God, they naturally draw closer to each other. The closer you get to the centre of God's will, the closer you are to the person who was also seeking God — and you find each other there.
What does Matthew 6:33 say should come first — and what follows?
Matthew 6:33
"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."
Matthew 6:33. The kingdom comes first. A spouse is one of the things "added" — not hunted for independently.
What is the waiting season actually for?
Preparation, not pause. The character qualities that make a strong marriage possible — patience, self-giving love, forgiveness, groundedness in God — are formed during the ordinary disciplines of singleness. The waiting season forms the person who will marry well.
What two errors does the Caution box identify around waiting for God's timing?
1. Reacting to social pressure to date urgently — that pressure is not from God. 2. Using "seeking God" as justification for complete passivity or social isolation. The principle is about heart orientation, not avoidance of community.